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Let's go for a walk!

It's 11:00. Time to get the kids up. We've got time for a walk before lunch at 12 -- won't that be nice? They're both in their cribs standing up and waiting to get out. I let Talia out -- and away she goes; and Max -- whew, I've got a poopy diaper to change. I put him on the changing mat, and he starts to squirm and complain. He needs a distraction -- Mama's makeup bag (empty). It works. I get the freedom to open up downstairs -- and what a mess it is. One of those brown slimy, ookey poopies that get in all the crevices. Yuck. Someone's been feeding him strawberries. Nothing to do but clean it up. One cloth -- not enough, two cloths -- that'll do. Latch him up again just as he's losing interest in the bag. And now where's Talia? She's smart enough not to have tumbled down he stairs, but she's had the time to get into real mischief. I'm lucky, she's just in Mama and Papa's bedroom looking out the window. I take Max downstairs and close the gate to the basement, latch the door to the foyer, and set the gate for the upstairs before putting him down. I set my internal trouble timer for three minutes though, because Max is better at getting into trouble than Talia, and head upstairs. Okay, does Talia need a change? Sniff. She does. Put her on the mat and hand her the bag. She's enthralled. I get to work. Hmm, even worse than Max's -- ick. One cloth, two cloths, all done. Wipe her up and, uh oh, my trouble timer's gone off. Nothing I can do, get her dressed, but wait -- it looks like a bit of poopie got on her pants. I need new pants. My trouble timer is blaring. Let's get some pants. Now where are they? Those nice white overalls with the anchors would be perfect right now. Here they are -- no wait, these are different. Where's the other pair? Trouble timer -- deafening. These'll do, I'll put them on her downstairs. I lift Talia up, take her downstairs and look for Max. No sign of him -- not good. Oh, he's opened the screen door to the back deck and is outside. I didn't know he could do that. He's fine, I just quickly latch the gates to prevent him from getting into the yard and leave him there. Okay, let's get Talia dressed. These overalls are -- too big. Maybe if I adjust the shoulder straps -- no. Way too big. Okay, gotta find some more pants, this should just take a second. I run upstairs to the kid's closet. Where's those damn pants? Here's her blue overalls, they're getting a bit small but they'll do -- hey, look, the nice white ones with the anchors are under the blue ones -- perfect! Oh oh, what's that? Max is screaming. I run down the stairs, avoid tripping over Talia who is wandering around with those giant overalls on and get to the back deck. Max is on his hands and knees, red-faced, crying loudly. It looks like he tripped over the extension cord I had out for some yardwork this morning. I pick him up and let him get it all out. There's tears all down his face and his mouth is wide open -- oh, here's a bit of blood in his mouth. He must have bit his tongue when he fell. Poor boy. I look through the screen door and see Talia strolling around, holding her stuffed panda. She trips because of her long pants but gets right back up again like nothing happened. Cutey. Max is okay now, so I put him down and grab Talia and sit on the couch. She's squirmy, but I manage to get the correct pants installed. Okay, now we need socks and shoes. I remember that yesterday's socks had been pretty dirty so they needed new ones. This will also free me from having to actually find yesterday's socks -- Bonus! I go back upstairs to get socks. Mama has the socks well organized and I have no trouble picking out socks that will match their cute little outfits. Now, the shoes. Where are the shoes? Are they on the kitchen table? No. The kitchen counter? No. At the front door? On the front deck? On the back deck? No. No. No. Where are the damn shoes? Maybe they're upstairs, sometimes they're still in shoes at bathtime and get left in the bathroom. I run upstairs and check. Nope. In their room? No. In Mama and Papa's room? NO! WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY? And then from downstairs -- BAM! (pause) Whaaahhh!!! I run downstairs to see Max tangled in the screen door. The cats have ripped a hole in it, and Max had put his foot in the hole and fell trying to get it out. He's okay. Talia is patting his head, not very gently. And so back to the shoes -- where are the damn shoes? Downstairs, could they be there? Yes! I see one shoe in the middle of the room and manage to find the other three scattered under various pieces of furniture. One of them even has a pink sock still in it. How they got there I can't remember. Maybe we should create some kind of system so that ... yeah right. Okay, lets get the shoes and socks on. Max lets me do it no problem, and his are quick because they're velcro. Talia is squirmy girl and doesn't want shoes. Luckily I'm much much stronger than her and manage to force them on. Double knot, they're not coming off, so there. Next: sunscreen. Where is it? Out on the front deck under the Adirondack chair. Of course. Out to the back deck where the kids are playing. Grab the small one. A struggle. Lather her with goop. Set her free. Grab the other one. Another struggle. Resistance is useless, foolish earthling. Finished. Now all we have is the hats and we're ready to go. And the hats are where they're supposed to be! Great! I put their hats on, snapping on Max's and tying on Talia's, and then set them free in the front yard before putting them in the stroller. Um ... where's the stroller? No stroller. Oh wait, I remember now -- Mama took them for an outing yesterday, so the stroller must still be in the car. Talia starts walking to the right of the house and Max staggers to the left. I open the trunk and pull out the parts of the stroller. When we first got it, it was very easy to unfold. Now for some reason, things get caught when you're trying to open it, so you've got to hold these things apart with one hand while you pry the thing open with the other hand and one foot. Very awkward. Okay, it's opened, now I just have to attach the front wheel ... and what do you know, it doesn't want to go on. I've never had a problem with the wheel before, what's going on? While I struggle with the wheel, Max loads the stroller with gravel. I finally get it on, though the lock didn't latch the way it normally does. Who cares, it's good enough -- now where's Talia? She's on the other side of the yard trying to get the lid off the sandbox. Not right now, my dear, time to go for a walk. I strap them in, and do we have a dog? Musette? Yes! Okay, let's go.

It's noon. Time for lunch.


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