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Crash and burn

Before going to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, I checked out the posters at IMDb, as I usually do. Most were loudly praising it, calling it a unique and beautiful Indiana Jones style adventure flick. That sounded good to me, but I couldn't help noticing there were a few reviewers who seemed to have a real intense loathing for the movie. One even said it was the worst movie he'd ever seen. I usually chuckle when I read stuff like that -- I mean, how could it be the worst movie he ever saw? But it turns out this guy might have been on to something. I doubt it's the worst movie I've ever seen -- but I haven't been able to think of a worse one since I got out of the theatre. It stunk pretty bad.

Maybe I'm being too rough on it. It looked great -- though the look got a little dull after the first half-hour. And the acting wasn't too bad -- given the lines the actors had to work with. But the story -- what a train wreck! I've never seen a more poorly written movie.

Some people have said that, yeah, the story is weak, but the strength of the movie is in the action and effects. But a weak story is 'we gotta get them before they get us' or 'unlikely competitor comes from behind and through perseverance overcomes obstacles to win the championship'. Nothing wrong with a poor story; some of the best movies of all time have them. But Sky Captain's story isn't weak -- it just doesn't make any sense. Really, it makes absolutely no sense at all.

Sure, lots of movies have parts of the plot that don't make any sense. But never has a movie been made has such a density of stupidity. The characters motivations are continually baffling. The 'bad guys' strategy makes no sense. Things just happen for no reason.

The movie reminds me of one of those bad computer adventure games from the early nineties. You'd have things in your 'inventory' that you would try to 'use' by clicking on everything in the few areas you had access to. And eventually you'd hit on the extremely unlikely combination the programmer chose, and you'd move on to the next part of the game. At least in Sky Captain you don't have to go through all the frustrating bits. The characters walk into a room they're exploring and find the files they need, open a cupboard and find the geiger counter they need, or right away find the scrap of the map with an 'X' on Nepal in the destroyed air base to tell them where they should fly off to next.

This movie was supposed to come out earlier this year. I'm guessing it was pulled back for emergency surgery by the studio to try to salvage something. There are little hints that the story had an 'Island of Dr. Moreau' plotline. But it looks like the patient died on the operating table.

For some reason though, this movie is getting generally good reviews. It just goes to show that you can't trust the lying, no-good media these days.

UPDATE: There's a thread on the movie at Vodkapundit. Some of the other detractors of the movie are starting to speak out. Thank goodness I'm not the only person to see this movie for what it is.

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