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Alexander's a stinker

Oliver Stone has clearly declared himself to be an idiotarian. Read this interview with him and listen to how he rationalizes the brutality of the Castro regime if you have any doubts. So I feel no guilt for the pleasure I get by reading the savage reviews of his disasterous new movie. Apparently, it's so bad it's almost good -- but not quite. Here's some selected excerpts from IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes:

An act of hubris so huge that, in Alexander's time, it would draw lightning bolts from contemptuous gods. Today it will get sniggers from stunned critics and a collective yawn from a public unlikely to share Stone's egomania.

Filled with cringe-inducing, laughter-provoking moments, including more deliciously overripe performances than any single movie can possibly contain.

There are films which you don't like because the film isn't to your taste; then there are movies which are just bad movies. This is a bad movie: a truly awful script, a complete waste of some talented actors, and direction so awful that the audience was laughing during the (very, very few) moments of supposed high drama and tension. The CGI portions of the battle scenes were amateurish, and other CGI effects were garish and distractingly inconsistent.

Oliver Stone doesn't just create trainwrecks. He knocks the train off the rails, sets it on fire, then kills every person onboard. (And takes three hours to do it.)

So misconceived, so shrill, so fetishy is Oliver Stone's epic, so unintentionally hilarious a stew of paganism and Freudianism, that it makes Conan the Barbarian look like Gladiator.

Oliver Stone has done what I never thought possible: He has made me feel pity for him. The movie is a sprawling mess, a lox, a three-hour non-starter.

This movie was awful. It was long, boring, and focused on the side-show of Alexander's life instead of his adventures. The acting was unconvincing and soupy. The story was tedious and long on speculation and details about Alexander's sexual proclivities, yet mentions almost nothing about his philosophy or strategising other than some vague desire for a multi-cultural empire.

A flop of massive proportions, Alexander is a diffuse and incoherent historical epic that fails to engage intellectually or emotionally.

File "Transvestite-Looking Men Belly Dancing For an Extended Period of Time" under "Scenes I Hope to Never See Again in Life." Then to make it worse, Farrell kissed the guy afterwards. Sigh. Three hours, folks. Three hours I'll *never* get back. I'm WARNING you.

A horrendously bad movie, a genuine 40-car pile-up of literally epic proportions, a three-way head-on collision of bad writing, bad acting, and bad direction.

What an overlong, overblown, overbearing piece of odoriferous offal that was! The editing was apparently done at random, the pacing ponderous, the characters completely unsympathetic, the storytelling weak. Anthony Hopkins' droning narrative served only to remind us -- for three friggin' hours! -- that film is *supposed to be* a visual medium. Show us, don't tell us! The battle scenes, which should have been a strength here (Platoon was brilliant in this area), were a jumbled mess of quick cuts and shaky-cam shots of blood spurting.

There’s nothing that quite compares to the pain of passing a kidney stone... except perhaps Oliver Stone’s Alexander.

It is such a majestic disaster, that I have a bizarre sort of affection for it, like for a weirdly deformed child, maybe.


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