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Demon Children: 1, Outmatched Babysitter: 0

My wife has taken leave to bring the wonders of the Quebec health care system to the grateful residents of Chisasibi, on the shores of James Bay. While she is away, I have the absolute authority and responsibility over Max and Talia. It's an awesome burden, so obviously the first thing I had to do after seeing my wife off was to get rid of it.

I am now a member of the Quebec Liberal party. As such, I have the obligation to gather occasionally with other members to drink plan strategy. Knowing that I was burdened with my two not-quite-four-year-olds, another member offered to give up his daughter as a sacrifice. She would 'babysit', as we fulfilled our difficult obligations to help assure Jean Charest more time in office. She assured me she could handle them; the kids assured me they would be good. I had a good laugh. Captain Destructo and the Mistress of Chaos would make short work of her.

After a number of hours deep in strategic discussion, I was driven back home to where my collegue could pick up what was left of his daughter. It was 11:00. The light in Max and Talia's room was out. I thought that was a good sign.

But when I came in, the first thing I heard was giggling. Then two extremely wired children ran down the stairs and proceeded to run around in circles in the living room, together shouting, "I am a robot! I am a robot!" The babysitter made her way down behind them, defeat etched in the new wrinkles on her face. The children won. Carefully and with sensitivity, we managed to draw the story out of her. And with later confirmation from Max and Talia, I can now partially piece together what happened that night -- though the full truth will probably never be known.

At around 8:00 she attempted to herd them into bed. They had been watching TV with her, and behaving acceptably. They demanded a snack. She provided one. They demanded more. She acquiesced. She finally got them in the bath, where they turned into water monkeys. She tried to reassert control, but didn't manage it. Talia saw the prize she has always wanted -- absolute dominance of this household -- within her reach and went for it.

She asked for longer in the bath. She asked for more stories. She couldn't sleep. She needed a drink. She wanted that pair of pajamas, not the other one. She couldn't sleep. It was too dark. She couldn't sleep. What the babysitter didn't understand was that indulging these requests did not sate my daughters lust for control, it just fed it fuel. And all the while, Max laughed and cheered and egged my little girl on. Talia is exceptionally ingenious, and has no trouble inventing new tasks to tie the supposed authority up in knots.

But I'm not blaming the babysitter. She did her best, but was not prepared for the deviousness of the Mistress of Chaos' mind. And I'm not taking the blame either. Obviously the person at fault is my wife for leaving me here alone with these demon children. I mean, what was she thinking?

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Comments

This story had me seriously laughing histerically in the office here. I wouldnt last an hour vs them.

no tv before bed. no tv. also I have said before that L is too nice. They do not need nice. I am not nice. I am not coming home. At least not until wednesday.

Hi Bruce, Talia is my hero -I love strong, clever little girls -they always get blamed for everything , they can't help it if they are surounded by inferior beings! you'll see -she will be the leader of the free world before you know it!

Hi Bruce, Talia is my hero -I love strong, clever little girls -they always get blamed for everything , they can't help it if they are surounded by inferior beings! you'll see -she will be the leader of the free world before you know it!

Of course she always gets blames for everything. It's always her fault.

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