The only F911 review you need to read

Many of the blogs I frequent have linked to fiskings of Monsieur Moore's latest silly movie. There's these fifty-nine deceits pulled together by Dave Kopel, there's this piece from Newsweek, and a comprehensive takedown from Spinsanity. Moore has threatened to sue anyone that calls him a liar but so far there's been no word of him following through. You think the threat was maybe just another media stunt?

Anyway. I still haven't heard what the movie's like. I have no intention of seeing it, but I am a little bit interested in what I'm missing. Luckily, Liberal Larry braved the evil forces of Bush and Ashcroft to actually go to a theatre and see it, and sends this report:

For all it's hype, the movie starts out somewhat slow and confusing. Michael Moore is being chased across what is either an ice planet or Flint, Michigan in wintertime, by Ashcroft's brutal dissent-crushing thugs. I might add that Moore is looking fantastic. Gone are his trademark undulating rolls of fat, to be replaced by a hard, svelte physique that makes the Governator look like a 98-pound weakling. Moore's obviously been working out, and he kicks major neocon ass through the whole movie. There's something weird going on with his eyes, though. I've never been one for the vanity of colored contacts, let alone the glow-in-the-dark style Mike is sporting. Yet symbolically, they fit him to a "T". After all, he's a man with vision, who can see through the cold darkness of Bushie lies and right into the heart of pure Truth.

After making short order of the goons and stealing their spaceship, Moore takes his camera to Iraq, where Bush's junta already has a hegemonic stranglehold on the innocent, befuddled populace. Seeking to impose a fascist theocracy upon all human life, Bush moves from nation-state to nation-state, ordering all to either convert or die. "You're either with us, or against us!" Bush proclaims as he rips the very soul out of one plucky ACLU lawyer who dares question him.

Bush's show of cowboy machismo doesn't phase Michael Moore, who flexes his muscles and growls "I wanna piece of YOU!" to one of Dubya's subordinates. The audience is then treated to a very thrilling knife fight that ends with a neocon lying dead at Moore's feet.

If you plan to see the movie, be careful when reading the rest of the review. There's a major spoiler at the end.

Posted by Bruce Gottfred at July 6, 2004 02:38 PM | TrackBack