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October 30, 2007

Massive carbon sequestering programs underway

It's no secret that our educational institutions are true believers in the theory of anthropogenic global warming. Starting in the first grade, students in much of the western world spend roughly equal amounts of time learning reading and writing, art, math, and watching An Inconvenient Truth. But apparently indoctrination of our youth isn't enough. The teachers are actually acting on their beliefs, and think they have a plan to save the world.

I have uncovered their plot, and must get the message out before they find out that I know. And here it is: by tirelessly keeping their students busy covering pieces of paper with paint, markers, crayons, and sparkle glue, they are using up massive amounts of carbon-based art materials. Since parents will never destroy the beautiful creations of their lovely, talented children, the carbon contained in those works -- which initially was pulled from the atmosphere by trees -- will be stored indefinitely and will never again reach the atmosphere. My evidence? I think this picture should put any doubts to rest:

This is the combined output of my two children after just one week of school!

The problem is that the teacher's plot is just one of many that are working towards the same goal. Governments around the world have implemented a similar sequestering program involving millions and millions of unread, handsomely bound reports from various commissions and committees. These store truly massive amounts of carbon on the bookshelves of government workers, university professors, and journalists. And National Geographic has had a long-running program that has tricked millions of people into storing great stacks of the magazine in their basements. That carbon alone has reduced the global temperature by 2.3 degrees C since the sixties. But there is no co-ordination between these schemes, and there is a good chance that they will go too far. These carbon sinks are growing geometrically and show no signs of slowing down. By the end of this century this world could be in an ice age. But it's no use trying to warn these groups. They just will not listen to reason.

You can do your part to save the world by burning your children's take-home artwork and any magazines that have been sitting around your house too long. That will liberate the trapped carbon dioxide and allow it to do it's job of keeping us warm. If you are a government worker, try to keep your unreadable government documents as PDF files on your hard drive. If you need to save some samples of your children's scribblings to remember their innocent days, technology is the answer. Our nifty new tablet computer, combined with the excellent free program Art Rage, allow Max and Talia to doodle to their heart's content, while being kind to our planet.

July 17, 2007

Irony

The medium is not the message.

June 22, 2007

The perils of global warming

Maybe I've been a little too blasé about global warming. A site called Numberwatch has compiled a list documenting the dangers to our planet from this threat. And they're all from real news stories so you can be sure that they're true. Here's just a small sample:

...slow death, smaller brains, smog, snowfall increase, snowfall heavy, snowfall reduction, societal collapse, songbirds change eating habits, sour
grapes
, space problem, spiders invade Scotland, squid population explosion, squirrels reproduce earlier, spectacular orchids, stormwater drains stressed, street crime to increasesuicide, taxes, tectonic plate movement, teenage drinking...
The time for talking is over! We have to act!

(via the Financial Post)

June 21, 2007

Freedom Vs Environmentalism

Vaclav Klaus addresses the critics of his theory that the modern environmentalist movement is the greatest threat to freedom today:

To say that “the supporters of capitalism demand that they are free to dump their waste on their neighbours lawns without consequence” has the beauty of communist propaganda I had a chance to “enjoy” during the first 48 years of my life.
He's a little nicer to most of the others.

May 18, 2007

Enviro-loon? Or Prankster? Hard to tell these days...

A letter to the editor in the Ottawa Citizen today:

Although I am as pleased with the recent success of the Ottawa Senators, I cannot help but be alarmed at the distressing trend being adopted by some of the team's fans. The sight of so many gasoline-driven vehicles displaying Senators' flags flapping in the air exerting a drag against the efficiency of the automobile is alarming. I admit I haven't calculated the coefficient of drag that these flags are causing, but I'm sure it must be significant.

It is one thing to show pride in one's team, but quite another to wantonly waste fuel. What is the use of having a team to cheer for if the planet is to suffer? How sad that to show our support for the Senators, so many must show such disrespect for Mother Earth.

David Polk, Navan

April 12, 2007

Canadian Spring

It's the season of renewal!

Shot five minutes ago from my front window.

January 19, 2007

How deep does the guilt go?

One thing that must be very difficult in being a environmentalist and concerned citizen is dealing with the guilt. After all, there you are: alive, consuming limited resources, exhaling carbon dioxide, inflicting pain on Gaia with your unsustainable presence.

Some 'environmentalists' evidently have no difficulty with this -- such as David Suzuki -- but true believers must experience real suffering. Imagine having to rationalize to yourself every trip in an automobile or every grocery purchase that isn't organic and 'fair trade' when the media is stacked with stories telling the tragic consequences of these actions. The worst case of Catholic guilt could never be this bad.

William Watson takes a look at the look at the poor souls that inhabit this world, and has a lot of sympathy for them:

Living under a constant cloud of enviro-guilt must be like living under a permanent tax audit.
Read the whole thing.

January 09, 2007

Do as I say, not as I do

From the globe-trotting schedule of David Suzuki:

Saturday 17th February, London Ontario
1:00 pm
Travel Media Association of Canada
London Convention Centre
Leaving a Small Footprint

Tuesday 5th March, Qatar
7:00 PM
Virginia Commonwealth University
School of the Arts

I assume he's going to walk there.

Related hypocrisy: Tony Blair.